Tumble-Bumble!!!

Nowhere is it mentioned that you need to happy and merry all the time. At the best you can be optimist, if not positive. But it’s alright to be sour and sad. Not because it will help you realize what it means to be optimist but because it allows you to think from different or rather unconventional perspective.

Of late, life is not as great as I had planned it to be. Absolutely nothing has worked out for me in each and every sphere of life. Of course, life is not worst if seen from world’s perspective. In its eyes, I’m privileged enough to be able to satisfy my basic needs and many of materialistic wants. I’ve three pieces of paper named “degree”, a decent job, a loving family and supportive friends. If I belong to well-to-do class, then what is eating me inside?

I have no clear answer. All I know for sure is just one thing - I am losing. What could be worse than losing your time, your courage, your self-confidence, your faith in yourself and most importantly belief. And this is not because of any failure. Every single time I’ve ever tried any damn thing I my life I have failed miserably. Failure is no new to me. In fact, it is the success that surprises me these days. And I’m absolutely okay with it.

Is it “age” then? But for me age is just a number. It has nothing to do with your wishes, aspirations. Then, it might be choices! But these were my choosing. And I own outcome whatever it be.

It is something between social or peer pressure and comparison. Then I should better stop comparing and don’t give a damn about social pressure. Easier said than done, huh? How can I not? I too am part of this society. If I don’t pay any heed this social pressure, I fear of being left out. And since I have lost all courage I don’t think am capable enough to handle harsh consequences that may follow by non-conforming.

And about comparison, take any damn aspect. I’m a big failure or a misfit by the so-called accepted standards or norms of this society. Besides, am really tired of pumping all that positivity, inspiration in my own self just to please and conform to societal standards.

It’s really painful. Especially when am not able to enjoy any moment of it even if I want to. I do not enjoy this process anymore. Most importantly, I’m tired of finding answers to all these questions. Answers are elusive, so are the means to find those.

I don’t think there is anything wrong in feeling such way. This is how life is, it seems. Shit happens. And that’s fine. Meanwhile, all I can do is to take one day at a time and try to survive. Is there black-dog around???

Mental Acidity?!?

At times it so happens that your mind is flooded with multiple emotions. You feel happy, sad, excited, anxious, weird, angry, bored everything at once. There is no particular event or object to which you can associate this phenomenon. This flood of emotions is aftermath of storm of thoughts.

You cannot for sure say as to what leads to this storm. Apparently, this storm seems to be manifestation of some sort of “depression”. Depression, the word itself seems to be dreadful. And surely there can be varied triggers to this one. It is so difficult and mentally draining to pinpoint its root cause. The more you try to dig deeper, the more you get stuck in the muck. Yes, it’s muck, because in such a state of mind, there is hardly any thought which is worthy for your betterment.

This confused state of mind, I feel, is nothing but “mental acidity”. It takes you nowhere. It clouds your thinking process. May be, it is, too much of cortisol which is responsible for this. Whatever it is, your logical & rational thinking goes out and state of confusion sets in. This particular thing is really irritating & annoying. You actually do not know what to do in such case. Your actions are seriously hampered because of this. You either keep mum or puke your thoughts, there is no in-between.

What is more worrisome is the frequent occurrence of this storm of thoughts & floods emotions. Recurring “mental acidity” will surely erode your brain and leave you exhausted. And yes, there is no panacea for this. Your hobbies, likes, interests are temporary to combat this.

Meanwhile, little do you realize that you are transforming, at least in your thoughts. This transformation is slow, painful and time consuming process. Such transformation in longer run is going to decide your actions. And therefore, though slow, transformation is a necessary evil. Otherwise, you will anyway wither away.

So is there any fix solution for this? Can you fasten the pace of transformation? Can you stop this storm from brewing? How to address this “mental acidity” which is result of multiple emotions oozing out at once?

Solution is not easy. Or it may not even be there. May be this is how life happens. May be this is your daily test. Everything boils down to how you take your life, how well you balance your emotions, your thoughts and ultimately your actions. After all, all this will decide the outcome of your thoughts & deeds.

However, there is a fundamental problem. You are never taught to manage your emotions. Let alone manage, you are never even taught to identify and acknowledge your emotion & thought also. You are cultured to suppress it. This is main reason why varied emotions show up unexpectedly and in inappropriate situations & manner.

To tackle this there is no perfect answer. Answer to such mental state, may be, is dynamic and ever-changing. What applies to “A” might not apply to “B” or what applies at a particular time might not apply any other time. Quite complicated indeed!

You can at least start with identifying your state of mind at a particular point of time. You need to be self-aware. This is long, arduous and continuous process. Yes, it’s easier said than done. And then again there is no “one size fits all” kind of remedy to this.

But to survive, you got to do, all what it takes!

Cake

"I love cakes", she said. "They are yummy. They satisfy my taste-buds and make my mood. I can share anything, but when it comes to sharing my cake, it is the hardest thing to do. I cannot let go of my piece of cake", she went on.

"Real testing times is when it is my birthday & I've to cut my cake and share it among my dear ones. I make sure I make small pieces so that I can have bigger one. I just love cake & yes I cannot share it or forego my piece", she chuckled.

From above description, one might infer that this person is selfish and self-centered. That real happiness is in sharing.

True, that real bliss is in sharing, but what if the cake is the 'only' thing that she has. True, that giving and sharing help you grow as a 'Human'. But isn't giving and sharing with one's own self equally good and help a person to grow? Or is it that 'growth as a human' is associated only when 'giving and sharing' is done to the 'other person' and not 'self'?

Quite tricky, isn't it? It is easy to opine or judge prime-facie - that a person is selfish. However only on deeper analysis, when you go into the facts, the background, that you can infer something conclusively without getting biased.

Now imagine that 'the cake' is the 'time' in your hand. How do you allot it? It is good to 'give' your time to others, but to what extent? You fight for your own 'Space' and your own "Me time"- now by doing so, do you really become selfish? And imagine, right now you are not having any resource at your disposal other that 'Time'- how are you going to invest it, use it? By any means, any normal, rational, logical being will try to invest it in her own self. She'll invest it in activities that will help her acquire skills or knowledge for that matter. This investment, in return will help her grow as a 'human'. And after she is a transformed person, she can go for other resources. It is this, being a 'transformed person' or 'better-than-what-I-was-before' that will make 'giving and sharing' more meaningful. It will not only help the person giving but also the person receiving such person's time. Such receiver can get to learn and thus 'learning process' will start and that will initiate the 'growth process'.

Talent/skills are essential but it is the 'Experience' that gives real meaning to the talent. It is the experience that turns 'novice/amateur' to a 'professional/master'. And experience comes with 'Time'. It is therefore essential to invest heavily in yourself first. Initially thus you have less time for 'giving and sharing' but once you've had enough experience, the sharing becomes more fruitful for all and you can then increase the time you are sharing.

One cannot fill others' cup when her own cup is empty. Likewise, one has to minimize the share of slice of the cake initially so that one can have it for oneself first, survive, grow and then gradually increase the share of slice for others.

Being selfish is a human tendency. But for initial growth one has to be selfish. That is 'rationality'. Ultimately, you can share or give something only when you have it in first place. Also what matters in longer run, is how well you share it.

Everyone gets daily quota of 24 hours (the cake). It is absolutely in ones own hand how to cut it, consume it, spend it, share it or waste it? Smaller the share to the irrelevant stuff, lesser the negativity, more the share for productive stuff, more the growth, more happy you become. Mental peace and happiness is what one ultimately wants. Consume your cake wisely!